Is surprise the first stage of grief?

Okay, Mary, this is my last post tonight, but sometimes when I get thinking about something I can't turn my mind off. What prompted all this reflection is your friend who so recently lost her husband after a couple of days in the hospital for a routine procedure, which should have meant that life would return to normal. (how sweet "normal" must sound to her now), and they would soon be talking about the surprise and inconvenience of it all. What can we say to her? I wish you would write something about Surprise being the first stage of grief. Do you think there is anything in Fresh Widows that be of comfort?